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RED FLAGS (Discovering Ideal Christain Romance)


   
     An interview with Ara(Int’l renowned female drummer) by Ore on Love Word Extra inspired thiswounderful piece of writing. In the interview Ara shared her life,career and success, including her love life which did not end as a fairy tale’happy ever after’. Looking through, Ara has gained strength through marital adversity which gives her a platform to be a counselor and guide to young female adult in search of love and the perfect man.

This article is not gender bias but it’s all encompassing in the discourse of relationship between male and female especially Christains. From the aforementioned, the following are red flags every`christain’ single should identify and avoid during courtship, either at the inception or in the middle of the relationship. A broken relationship they say is better than a broken marriage. Here are signs you are in a bad relationship if…
…there is abuse
There maybe abuse right now in your relationship that you are sweeping under the carpet in the guise that he/she will change, be a better person in the course of the relationship. It will suffice that you don’t have the anointing to change people only the HolySpirit does. This kind of behaviour makes for  great movies that works for just 90minutes in Hollywood but it’s not practicable in the real word. It’s perfectly healthy to forgive, but it’s not okay to be unwise. If fighting in your dating world means hitting, pushing,shoving,name calling, yelling, manipulating or anything rude that occurs on a consistent basis then,of course, turn walk away. It’s simple. In bad relationships, bad things happen and will continue to happen if you let them. Be wise. Wisdom does now what brings satisfaction later. 1cor.6:19-20.
Co-habiting: this is subtle way of feeling alright, when all is towards a dead end. More than likely you or someone you know is ‘messing around’. Some call it premarital sex; others call it marriage out of wedlock. But God calls it SIN. The economic condition or other external factors may justify this action in the eyes of God it’s appalling. However what seems right in the heat of the moment is not worth its cost in the end. When you have sex with anyone other than your spouse, things happen, bad things. Remember it takes one time to lose your virginity. It takes one time to contract an STI, one time to become addicted to sexual immorality, one time for your fiance’s respect for you to dissipate forever. Premarital sex is appealing yet appalling. Retain your self-worth.
Doubt and Fear: ‘perfect love cast away all fears’. If you experience perpetual fear in the course of your courtship it’s time to’ take a walk’. With God doubt never means yes and always means no or wait awhile. God does not lead through doubt but through peace. If peace is what you get, go ahead and enjoy the ride.  When God opens the door for marriage in your life, you will know you are with the right person. Don’t go so far as justifying staying in a relationship you will wish you had abandoned later. If still struggling whether to continue or let go- faith and peace means ‘continue’ and fear means let go.
Concerned Attitudes: many a time friends, family and loved ones often feel uncomfortable with the partner we are comfortable with. That should give you concern everyone can’t be wrong at the same time. Remember, other see you better than you see yourself. They are the audience and you are the actor, they see through most of your actions and can easily tell what you can’t see. Rather than take a defensive approach to their input, consider that emotions can hamper your ability to see as clearly as those positioned on the outside-looking-into your life. Ask God for discernment as you listen to other’s advice. If what they are saying is consistent with His word and spoken in love, then he offers you a better option of lasting happiness by telling you to let go and take a better path.

Dating an unbeliever: Dating someone who does not have a personal relationship with Jesus in the words of ARA, it’s a ‘total disaster’. It’s like an ant betrothed to an elephant. You know the end story. There are no guarantees in life, and this includes the one of your current date. God gives each person free will. If you are a believer dating an un-saved person, any emotional attachment you have toward a person who is not on the same spiritual page as you or vice versa, is an unhealthy attachment.

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