From time immemorial to time memorial, the true essence and experience of sex has been a very fascinating topic. Generation of writers have sought out the many dimensions of this world phenomenon, 'sex', which range from sex for 'beginners', sex and marriage, the language of sex, smart sex, sex and power, and so on.
This can well be attributed to the power of sex and sexual attraction, which have both been a way up and a way down for the manipulators of this special tool (sex). Thus, the trio of money, sex and fame are inseparable money, sex and fame.
Bringing it down to our present day, contemporary sex fiction writers Mills & Boon, Silhouette, and a whole lot like James Hadley Chase and others have described the act of sex in their volume, among which is the indescribable magic behind lovemaking − its electrifying magnetic force, the uncontrollable and incomparable passion of sexual intercourse; its beauty, style, aura, blessedness, ecstasy, euphoria, and the magical dimension of sex; the woman into the man, the man into the woman. The gratification, the satisfaction, the bond, the relief, the fun, the consuming nature and lasting memories, which may be sweet or sour depending on the context of the relationship.
‘I was at a loss so I drew closer to her and put my arms around her. She was so pliant and soft. Her perfume stung my nostrils and I inhaled sharply like a bull. It was so natural. Our lips and hands sought each other, and with a moan I finally held her breasts in my hands. Desperately, as if we needed to feed on each other, we discarded our clothing in the low light. She was a painting done in human pastel I remember little else except I was in her and she was in me and the cosmos was one in our pleasure’ (The scent of water: Lulufa Vongtua)
For many, the sex impression and experience differs as every experience is peculiar to the individual. Many see it as a gift, others a blessing turned curse. This is due to its manipulation by either of the sexes to its own advantage. Others see it as an avenue to express love and affection. For some, it is a means to an end, while some see it as a tool of subjugation to keep their victim glued to them. For Kabu , she had learned the hard way that ‘even when men said friendship was fine they always wanted more and more always involved sex.’ But she didn’t want physical intimacy without love which would leave her feeling just as empty and alone when it’s over. From the point of a male factor, Jide submits that, to him, sex is like food that keeps the body and soul. The longest he can wait for his partner to make up her mind to have sex is 3 months! To him, ‘sex is an integral part of a relationship.’
This, quickly, poses a question in our mind as to what sex is and what sex is not? However, opinion conflicts as to what sex is and what it is not. This belief can be attributed to cultural, social, and religious orientations. This delicacy in a universal pleasurable activity, sex has different outcome in beliefs, among which is the Judeo-Christian belief that sex should be practised practically for the procreation of children and as the expression of the love that exists between two legally married partners.
Today, there are many dimensions to this belief. With the introduction of contraceptives by health related companies to avoid unwanted pregnancies and STDs, all this has yet not curbed the misfortunes that confront sex abusers either through rape, adultery and premarital sex. It is funny to note that the bodies that introduced the use of contraceptives now preach abstinence and faithfulness to a partner to avoid the misfortune of casual sex.
Taking a close look at the definition of sexual abstinence may cause us to fall back on the former belief which is Judeo-Christian. Sexual abstinence (also known as continence) is the practice of refraining from some or all aspects of sexual activity for medical, psychological, legal, social, financial, philosophical, moral or religious reasons. The ancient world discouraged promiscuity for both health and social reasons. According to Pythagoras (6th century BC), sex should be practised in the winter, but not in the summer; but was harmful to male health in every season because the loss of semen was dangerous, hard to control and both physically and spiritually exhausting, but had no effect on females (Wikipedia 4th April 2013).
By this, we can fall on the Judeo-Christian tenet and persuasion on this universal pleasurable activity. Lest we forget, it has been observed that every thriving company and institution navigates and advertises its products via sex-related activities. Top on the list, among others, is the entertainment industry. Most musical videos are shot with semi- nude women, even when the title of the album is not related to the image portrayed in the video. A survey shows that this has a general appeal to the audience (sex appeal) as well as sells more.
This brings us to the crux of what sex is not. Sex is not a curse, it is a gift given by the creator to His creation. Sex should not just be casual (sex on the go). Sex is not selfish. It takes two to tangle. It is more than the feeling. Sex is not lust, infatuation and all the emotions connected to it. Sex should not be ‘done’ in isolation; sex should be respected. Sex is that warm gift of feeling connected to someone. It is enjoying our connection together. Sex is discovering and experiencing intimacy in a special love relationship. If your experience of sex hurts, that is what sex is not. Sex is not mere intimacy, although sex can be intimate. Sex is mutually honest, warm, caring, safe relationship where the other person can be who he or she is and can be who they are, and both are valued. Sex is a bond − one of love and trust.
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